Hephzibah!

So I saw this scripture on Instagram and these three words stuck out to me. So I decided to look them up to find out what they really meant.

Diadem: A jewelled crown or headband worn as a symbol of sovereignty.

Hephzibah: My delight is in her in Hebrew. She is a queen and the mother of Manasseh in the Old Testament. 

Beulah: In the Bible, Beulah is a place, not a person, applied to the land of Israel by the prophet Isaiah and the land of Beulah has sometimes been considered a reference to heaven. It began to be used as a given name in England at the time of the Reformation and was used by the seventeenth century Puritans.

So in short, this scripture reads to me as:

Woman of God, you are a jewel in His hand. He delights in you. And you reside in heavenly places.

This certainly made me feel special so I had to share (can't be selfish now!).

Please be encouraged as I was.

Have an awesome week!

Buki

x

(Disclaimer: All pictures used were taken by, edited by and belong to bukibelle.com)

New Shoes

New work shoes. Ok, so I've needed proper work shoes for absolutely ages! Been wearing ankle boots or flats to work for the longest time. So I popped into TK Maxx on Tuesday and found these. But they only had 1 pair and they were size 6 (I needed size 6.5 or 40). I tried them on and they pinched ever so slightly. So I decided to leave them and sleep on it. Thought I would ask God (and my wallet) first. I thought if they were still there the next day that would be a sign from above and I would get them and done. The next day I went back and they weren't where I'd strategically hidden them. Lol! I looked around for them but couldn't find them. Disappointed I made for the door. But before I got to the end of the isle I just happened to turn and look up. There they were! They'd been moved! I reached for them and you'd never guess what!? They were size 6.5! It felt like everything was aligned! #Eurika! Lol!

What made me laugh was the week before, my son told me he needed new socks. The following day I planned to run out during my lunch break to get him new socks. That afternoon it was pouring with rain, but mama bear had to put on her big girl pants and go get those socks! I know socks aren't really an optional thing, they're a necessity. But it could have been anything. My son expressed a need, and my focus was to fulfil that at all cost!

However, when it came to a genuine (neglected) need of my own, the story is so different. I needed to speak to God about it. Make sure He was alright with it. I needed to sleep on it. I gave someone else the chance to get it. And only after all of the above had been executed, IF they were still there, then it's all systems go! Haha! Isn't that just the  funniest thing?

I said all of that to say your girl has matured somewhat. There was a time when I was driven by my desires. If I saw it, I wanted it, I'd buy it without a second thought. And there's also the finance part of things too, but this wasn't so much to do with the money but the need for the go-ahead from above. And that's what I'm proud of the most.

Just some of my random thoughts I wanted to share. This post started out as a simple Instagram post, but then I realised I had so much more to say. Lol.

Hope the weather is consistent wherever you are. We're praying for the British weather to make up it's mind. And they wonder why we Brits have trust issues. Hahaha!

Enjoy the rest of you week people!

Buki

x

                                                       (Disclaimer: All pictures used were taken by, edited by and belong to bukibelle.com)

Happy Resurrection Sunday!

Yes! Jesus lives! He's made all things new! I thank God for His sacrificial love!

Happy Easter All!

Our lovely Resurrection Sunday Spread

My Easter treat from my lovely sister. Love you Debs! xx

God bless you peeps!

xoxox

Stirring Up The Gift!

Have you ever watched a dancer dance? I mean really dance an emotional piece? Until it brought you to the point of tears? I know, it's really something isn't it? I was watching Dance Scene with Laurieann Gibson. There's a young aspiring dancer who is new to the team. Laurieann keeps going on and on about her not expressing enough soul or emotion in her dancing. To the point that even I was getting irritated by Laurieann. Then one day something snapped inside this young dancer. She let loose. When she performed in front of an audience she completely stole the show. It was like she was the only one on the stage. She brought me to tears.

Then I got to thinking about my own gifts. Just a few days ago I was whining and complaining that I have no "real" gifts. I couldn't see anything about myself that really makes me stand apart from the next person. Nothing special. Know what I mean? Ever get that feeling? 

Well, after watching this young lady dance her heart out it brought me back to life (back to reality - Soul II Soul - whoop whoop! Lol). We all have a gift that sets us apart from the next person. The only difference between perhaps me and that young lady is she's actually walking in hers. I mean really walking in hers. 

What I love to do more than anything else is sing. I've always done. Problem is I lack the confidence to really let it rip in front of other people. When I'm at home I sing my heart out like you wouldn't believe. My son has come running to me a few times, asking "mum, was that you?". Lol. So there has to be something there right? So what's holding me back? 

I remember I've had a few knock backs. A friend once said "you need to take singing lessons". In my sensitivity, I took offence. But realistically, the best of the best always sharpen their craft. Another said, "Shhhh, I'm trying to listen to 'so and so' sing, her voice is amazing!". Those two comments stick out in my thoughts like thorns. I have let these two comments hold me back for long enough. Not everyone is going to like my voice. Not everyone will appreciate your gift. But, so what?! They're not your creator. God's placed gifts inside all of us that He wishes to enjoy. He wants to see us shine. He wants to enjoy the show too na. Lol. So why do we let others hinder us? What others say and what they think? 

A lot of the time the people who are so quick to criticise wouldn't dare let their own gifts shine for fear of being criticised too. So why allow them to put you in bondage?

I'm actually in my Church's Praise and Worship team. Everytime a team leader wants to push me to the front I recoil. I was leading Praise and Worship during midweek services for a while, and I was starting to build some confidence. Then one day I hit one wrong note and my voice cracked a bit, then I was like "uhn uhn, I ain't doing this no more! I have an anointing to be a backing singer.". Hahaha! That was fear talking. Got to stop fear stopping me from excelling. 

How about you? Have you had a similar exprience? If so, how have you overcome your fears? Or what are you doing about it?

Let's not hide our lights under a bushel. Mark 4:21 Is a lamp brought to be put under a basket or under a bed? Is it not to be set on a lampstand? Matthew 5:15 -16...and it gives light to all who are in the house. Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father in heaven.

So, I am going to give my gifts my all. My singing, my cooking, my parenting, my home-making, my career. I'm going to give them all my all. For the gifts and the calling of God are irrevocable. Romans 11:29. That means once God gives, He NEVER takes back. So why not appreciate Him and the gifts he's given us by using them and using them well to glorify Him? I think that's fair. 

Please note this post is a note to self. But please be encouraged too.

God Bless you.

xoxox

Can't Give Up Now!

In life things can get really rough. Life can take unexpected turns. You can get so frustrated because you NEVER seem to arrive. Sometimes it feels like every time you take one step forward, you take another ten steps backwards. You can look at your life and say to yourself "how did I get here???" Or, "where to now???" (Questions I've been asking myself a lot lately!). Jesus said in John 16:33 - In the world ye shall have tribulations: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.

So a) the battle isn't ours , He said He has overcome the world. And b) the battle has already been won, He said He has overcome the world. So we've got to remember to be thankful for every new day. The mere fact that we're here to experience anything, good or bad, is reason enough to give thanks. Because we still have a fighting chance. Because we live to fight another day. Or better still, just remember He's already done all the fighting for us. So we just need to give Him thanks.

Sometimes I want to quit! Sometimes I just want to run and hide, then I have to remind myself of all that I have to be thankful for. I have to remember how far I've come in life. Yes, I've not arrived - but to be honest no one ever really does. And yes, there's always room for improvement and I can do better. But, things aren't as bad as the devil would have me believe. You know why? I'm still here. Still alive, still got breath in me. So I've got to, I've just got to keep going. I haven't come this far just to quit here and now. Success could be just around the next corner.

I love this song!

Thank You Jesus!

xoxox

Shine Your Light

Our Deepest Fear

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness That most frightens us.
We ask ourselves
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small Does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking
So that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine,
As children do.
We were born to make manifest
The glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us;
It's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we're liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

- Meditation by Marianne Williamson

They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. I have to say to some extent I do agree. Have you ever noticed how it's when you step out of your comfort zone, people around you tend to do the same? Or if someone around you steps out of their comfort zone it awakens something in you to do the same? This poem is one of my absolute favourites because it embodies so much truth.

I remember when I was in secondary school and our school put on a talent contest and I really wanted to be a part. I approached a couple of my friends and they practically laughed in my face. I was so hurt. One of them realised this and said, "Buki, it's not you, it's me. I just can't imagine myself up on the stage prancing around. But I can so see you dancing on the stage". Well she spared my feelings at least. Without them however, I just couldn't do it. I wasn't bold enough. Now I wish I'd just been courageous and just gone for it. Imagine what would have happened?

For me, the most powerful part of the above poem is 'And as we let our own light shine, We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, Our presence automatically liberates others.'
In other words, someone somewhere is waiting for you to be you so they can be them self. Isn't that something? I want to try and remember this. I want to try and have this at the forefront of my mind because it's easier to do somethings knowing that someone else is depending on it.

Here's to letting your light so shine.

xoxox

Over to the Other Side

No one ever said it would be easy. No one said it would be fun all the time, or even most of the time. But what they do say is that when it's good it's really good. Or "he who laughs last laughs loudest". And "What's yours will not pass you by". Well, I'm anxiously awaiting the "good". Anticipating the "laughter". And waiting to receive "what's mine". 

Got to say that this waiting part is no fun. Things I used to get excited about are starting to dwindle out of my minds eye. I'm trying my hardest to keep my expectations high. I can see myself slowly, slowly settling for less than what is mine. This is due to disappointment after disappointment. What's a girl to do?

Where there's hope, there's life. I've got a little bit of hope left inside me (somewhere). 

Anyways, during my morning devotion this morning (Friday 21st October 2011), I felt like God spoke to me. Kinda felt like "oh, so You can hear my heart's cry then Lord". Cheeky, I know, but one thing I've learned about God is that He's mine. So He can handle me (my cheek included). I was reading UCB Word For Today and the title for todays Word was Getting to the Other Side. Realising that that's all I'm really trying to do, my ears tweaked a bit. I sat to attention and curiously read on.

Mark 4:35

That day when evening came, He said to His disciples, "Let us go over to the other side."

This happened just before Jesus calmed the storm.

...And a great windstorm arose, and the waves beat into the boat, so that it was already filling (Mark 4:35-37).

The Word for Today reads (and I quote word for word):

'The devil doesn't want you to get through this storm and reach the other side.' 

(And don't I know it.)

'He doesn't mind you going to church, singing in the choir or serving on the board;'

(This sounds like me right now.)

'he just doesn't want you to reach your God-ordained destiny.'

(Ain't that something. That crafty devil.)

'But (shame on you devil! There's a BUT!) what's waiting for you on the other side is worth everything you're going through at the moment.'

(These words spoke right to my heart. Thank You Lord!)

'You are up against a formidable opponent who knows God has a plan for your life. But (there's that word again devil) he cannot sink the man or woman who has Jesus on board with them, who prays and stays close to Him...'

Well, that was a wonderful reminder earlier, and it's just as invigorating reading it again now.

Needed to encourage myself today, and thought while I was at it, I'd encourage someone else. 

Hope you're encouraged (if you needed it).

Be inspired with confidence. ;)

xoxox

P.S. I then remembered this song by Michelle Williams. The lyrics are so fitting for how I feel/felt. You'll find your Purpose in Your Storm. ;)

The Case of the Horrible Ex - One Man's Trash is Another Man's Treasure!

*****WARNING! VERY LONG POST*****

I said would never do this, but just feel I need to get this out! So here it is...

Let's back track a little shall we...I was with my son's father for about 10 years (on and off). We had little man five years into the relationship. We met back in college, and I was the one that was too forward. I had talked to my friend about him so much that she decided to go tell him, and I did nothing to stop her. If not for my son, I would curse that day, but God has been good.

Anyways, we were together on and off for a while, and I supported him through a lot. And as remember it, he offered no support to me at all. Can't remember a single time.

Back in 2006, we decided to give things one final go. As far as I knew, everything was going great. In the time we were together he got a decent job and I was ecstatic as it meant I would finally have some financial support from him, right? Wrong! Flash forward a little to Easter period 2007, my family were going to Naija for my cousin's wedding. I thought it was the perfect opportunity for him to see my country and meet my extended family (I don't know why I thought that because he'd shown very little appreciation for my family that he had met so far).

He decided to come, so I was surprised when I asked him for some of our son's ticket money, that he was reluctant. It was like I was begging him. So I didn't dare ask for money for our son's immunisation. That would have been pushing it. 

Anyways, we went to Naija and I noticed a change in him whilst we were there, but I shrugged it off for the most part. We got into a few arguments, but nothing major. 

We came back to London and he was still acting strange. I couldn't figure him out. A couple of days after we'd been back we had a biggish argument, played it cool whilst his family came round. I cooked for everyone, they all ate, then left. Then he told me it was over. I can see it now, but didn't see it coming at the time.

Anyway, I made a fool of myself, trying to reason with him, trying to fully understand what I'd done. He said I was too aggressive and argumentative. He called me all sorts of names, including a gold-digger - because I'd invited him to Naija and then expected him to have to put his money down. So he expected me to foot the bill for everything?! N.B. I only asked him for money towards little man's ticket, today, in my right sense, I would expect him to pay for all three of us! Imagine! LOL!

 He was adamant that God had told him that I was not the one for him (this was the second time he'd said such, previously he came back and said he'd missed God). God I thank You for revealing this to the one that was ready to receive this word! He said he needed to leave me to have a closer walk with God because I was a hindrance of some sort (so I no be God's child too abi?) He was going to do God's work and I wasn't in the equation.

This guy had done so much to break me down. During that relationship I lost so much confidence, I just disappeared. I was a shell of my former self. During our relationship we had both become born again and joined a church. He used every opportunity to try to control me with the Word of God. Not allowing Holy Spirit to do His work in me. He was God's mouth-piece, His right -hand man, the deliverer of God's will! Smh. He even once told me that God told him I wasn't his wife (we were engaged at this point), and God had showed him who his wife was (a fellow church member, who knew nothing of this revelation by the way). Oh the things I could tell you. The things I allowed myself to be subjected to. One of the things that irks me now is that this guy was so smooth in everything he did to oppress me. He appeared to be such a gentle guy who wouldn't hurt a fly (yeah, he didn't hurt a fly, it was me he was slowly destroying). He would generally speak softly and anything he said was a matter of fact. He had a scripture to back up everything. He knew the bible back to front. And my disagreement was me being argumentative and aggressive. Smh!

[Kai! Flash back! I remember when I was in labour (Chineke God!) and he told me to stop pulling faces as I looked ugly. Kai!!!! I don suffered o!!!! Heiiii!! That's how low my confidence was, I didn't even respond in anger. If na today a for don knock him out with one GBOSA!! Mscheeeewww!]

Smh.

I would like to say he just left or I just evicted him, but I didn't. He had to find a place to live so I gave him a four week notice period. The hardest four weeks of my life! The atmosphere in my home was so unbearable. When it came to week three and I could see him making no attempts to move (dude was taking my kindness for a weakness) I set him straight and reminded him of the date (angrily of course) and warned him that if he wasn't gone by said date, he would find all his belongings outside!!!

He got the message and left on the agreed date.

I just dey look am. I cried to my God, prayed to my God, was mad at my God, the pain was too much at times. I questioned my God, fought with my God, distanced myself in anger from my God. Man, I went through the motions. I experienced every emotion. Would even cry in my sleep! I mean wake up with dry tears on my face. Then one day I said "God, let Your will be done!" That's when God showed up. (If I knew it was that easy, I could have saved myself a whole lot of tears. Lol).

Ok, flash forward four plus years since then, he's moved in with his girlfriend, got her pregnant, and then married her (yes, in that order, shocking for a man who left to walk so close to God don't ya think? Hmmm.)

Anyway, I changed. Those who knew me before the ex, said, I had returned to being the Buki they knew back in the day. Those that had only met whilst I was with him said I had changed! (Cue J.Hudd, ~I Am Changing!~ Lol). That's when I realised how oppressed I had been. 

My family was elated!!! I had my fire back! I was alive again! 

Ok, so, my wonderment tonight is this, my ex and I have been apart for four plus years now, and apparently both moved on. But I cannot understand his issue with me. He is constantly angry when dealing with me, to the point that all our communication is still by text. He has told me on numerous occasions that he can't stand me (ok, who really cares oh "man of God"?) and he's not my friend (I've long realised that now). For someone who didn't want anything to do with me, moved on, and should be happily married there's just too much anger.

Is it because he thought I would never get up from the crumpled state he left me in? Could it be that he can't take the glare of my widely spread wings? Could it be that he thought he'd finished me off to the point that no other would ever see anything in me?

Oh well! If God isn't finished with you, no man can finish you! There is light after dark. Though weeping may endure for a night, joy comes in the morning!

Yesterday I sent him a text letting him know enough was enough, there was just no need for all this animosity. It had to end. His response? Unfortunately, it wasn't a surprise. Same old same old. So I'll just leave it there and let God deal with him. He is after all His child.

I'm not going to pretend that I was like "whatever, I'm over you" because for a while I really wasn't. I was just hurt. But eventually, the hurt turned to anger, then to hatred, then indifference, until now, when I can honestly say I've dealt with it. I'm good.

So many good things have happened to me since that relationship ended. No lie! I've bought my own home, renovated it (still a work in progress though ;)), studied to do what I'm passionate about (wedding planning :D), and I'm a much, much better mum!!!

Don't know why I went there, but I did. My message to anyone going through anything remotely similar, just know that this too shall pass. You will smile again, be yourself again, love again.

Not that the answer is in a new relationship. Not necessarily. It's in relying on God! Turning to Him and surrendering to Him. I'm just so grateful to God that He's shown me another way. Showing me that I'm lovable. I'm mostly grateful to God for removing me from such a destructive relationship. Honestly, had it not happened the way it did, I may very well still blindly be in that relationship. If a man (or woman) is done with you, God can provide a better (correct) one! The bottom line is God knows best, and He will never throw you away! As long as there's life in you, be sure to know that He still has things in store for you!

The past four years have been a revelation of God's love for me!

Don't let anybody finish you!!!

Good night (oops, it's morning now lol) and God bless.

xx