Merry Christmas!!!

I know, I know, I know I'm late with it but hey. Wanted to post this yesterday but the house was too full and busy. That being said though, I had  a lovely day with my family. Little man got most of the things on his wish list (being currently an only child and only grandchild and nephew has it's perks I guess). He was very blessed. He did impress me actually. WHen asked what he wanted for Christmas he responded "Mum, I think I already have everything I want". How's that for gratitude? Bless. But I guess after careful reconsideration, he managed to produce a list, which he shared with his nanna and grandpa, and his aunties and uncle. Lol. Shebi na me ask am? LOL!

Anyways, that not withstanding, we don't forget the true reason for the season. JESUS! Of course! Here's the scripture little man and I shared yesterday morning:

Isaiah 9:6-7 

A child is born to us. God will give a Son to us. He will be responsible for leading the people. His name will be Wonderful Counsellor, Powerful God, Father Who Lives Forever, Prince of Peace. (7)Power and peace will be in His kingdom. It will continue to grow. He will Rule as King on David's throne and over David's kingdom. He will make it strong, by ruling with goodness and fair judgement. He will rule it forever and ever. The Lord of heaven's armies will do this because of His strong love for His people.(International Children's Bible).

MERRY CHRISTMAS TO YOU AND YOURS! 

 

 

xoxox

 

 

It's All In The Small Details

Hello beautiful people,

I hope and pray you are all doing great!

A friend posted the following on Facebook. He apparently came across it somewhere on the world wide web. I just had to share it because I was blown away by it. It made me tear up.

"In a relationship, married or not… you should read this."

Marriage

"When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why?

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man! That night, we didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Jane so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn’t have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn’t want anything from me, but needed a month’s notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month’s time and she didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into our bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that every day for the month’s duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door every morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Jane about my wife’s divorce conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don’t tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully for a long time. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to the office…. jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind…I walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the divorce anymore.

She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn’t value the details of our lives, not because we didn’t love each other anymore. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out every morning until death do us apart.

That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I ran up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead. My wife had been fighting CANCER for months and I was so busy with Jane to even notice. She knew that she would die soon and she wanted to save me from the whatever negative reaction from our son, in case we push through with the divorce.— At least, in the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving husband….

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse’s friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!"

That really was something wasn't it?  A great reminder of what really counts. Please feel free to share this. You just never know whose marriage you might save.

Until next time.  

 xoxox

Ugo's Boutique

Hello people!

Longish time. ;) Hope you're all doing fabulous!

I recently discovered something that I just have to share with you. You have to, have to, have to check out this young lady's website - Ugo's Boutique. Her company make and sell thee most beautiful oilcloth bags. Seriously!

Let me introduce you to a dear friend and former next door neighbour Ugonna. I accidentally came across her bags (girlfriend kept it real quiet). I am so impressed by her work. The bags are so gorgeous! Thought this would be the perfect time to put up this post (Christmas around the corner and all). So if anyone's wondering what to get me (Kemistry ;)) this is a top contending option (**wink,wink**).

"UGO is the very first of it's kind; to offer oilcloth bags using traditional African fabrics. We describe ourselves as an AFRO-POP fashion accessories label, presenting you with exceedingly delicious arm candy." (quoted from the site.)

This one has to be my favourite...

Too cute!

Did I mention that they do purses too?

I wouldn't say no to this lovely little tote either...

Me likey a lot!!!

Check out the website folks www.ugosboutique.com. You won't be disappointed.

Blog you again soonest (I promise).

xoxox

Saturday Morning Breakfast

Hey Peeps,

What do you guys have for breakfast on Saturday mornings? It's a tradition in our home to have a full English breakfast. Little Man discovered akara recently and he wanted it with his Saturday brekkie.

Full English Breakfast with a Naija twist.

One of my favourite breakfasts is weetabix and bananas. Yum!

Yum!

What's yours?

Have a fabulous weekend.

xoxox

Shine Your Light

Our Deepest Fear

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness That most frightens us.
We ask ourselves
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small Does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking
So that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine,
As children do.
We were born to make manifest
The glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us;
It's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we're liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

- Meditation by Marianne Williamson

They say imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. I have to say to some extent I do agree. Have you ever noticed how it's when you step out of your comfort zone, people around you tend to do the same? Or if someone around you steps out of their comfort zone it awakens something in you to do the same? This poem is one of my absolute favourites because it embodies so much truth.

I remember when I was in secondary school and our school put on a talent contest and I really wanted to be a part. I approached a couple of my friends and they practically laughed in my face. I was so hurt. One of them realised this and said, "Buki, it's not you, it's me. I just can't imagine myself up on the stage prancing around. But I can so see you dancing on the stage". Well she spared my feelings at least. Without them however, I just couldn't do it. I wasn't bold enough. Now I wish I'd just been courageous and just gone for it. Imagine what would have happened?

For me, the most powerful part of the above poem is 'And as we let our own light shine, We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, Our presence automatically liberates others.'
In other words, someone somewhere is waiting for you to be you so they can be them self. Isn't that something? I want to try and remember this. I want to try and have this at the forefront of my mind because it's easier to do somethings knowing that someone else is depending on it.

Here's to letting your light so shine.

xoxox

Lady DADA

My sister from the The Kemistry introduced me to the beautiful sounds of Layori. Enjoy her sounds with me...

You know you liked it!!! Lol. ;o)

Hope you're all having a lovely Sunday.

Wish you a blessed week ahead.

xoxox

Over to the Other Side

No one ever said it would be easy. No one said it would be fun all the time, or even most of the time. But what they do say is that when it's good it's really good. Or "he who laughs last laughs loudest". And "What's yours will not pass you by". Well, I'm anxiously awaiting the "good". Anticipating the "laughter". And waiting to receive "what's mine". 

Got to say that this waiting part is no fun. Things I used to get excited about are starting to dwindle out of my minds eye. I'm trying my hardest to keep my expectations high. I can see myself slowly, slowly settling for less than what is mine. This is due to disappointment after disappointment. What's a girl to do?

Where there's hope, there's life. I've got a little bit of hope left inside me (somewhere). 

Anyways, during my morning devotion this morning (Friday 21st October 2011), I felt like God spoke to me. Kinda felt like "oh, so You can hear my heart's cry then Lord". Cheeky, I know, but one thing I've learned about God is that He's mine. So He can handle me (my cheek included). I was reading UCB Word For Today and the title for todays Word was Getting to the Other Side. Realising that that's all I'm really trying to do, my ears tweaked a bit. I sat to attention and curiously read on.

Mark 4:35

That day when evening came, He said to His disciples, "Let us go over to the other side."

This happened just before Jesus calmed the storm.

...And a great windstorm arose, and the waves beat into the boat, so that it was already filling (Mark 4:35-37).

The Word for Today reads (and I quote word for word):

'The devil doesn't want you to get through this storm and reach the other side.' 

(And don't I know it.)

'He doesn't mind you going to church, singing in the choir or serving on the board;'

(This sounds like me right now.)

'he just doesn't want you to reach your God-ordained destiny.'

(Ain't that something. That crafty devil.)

'But (shame on you devil! There's a BUT!) what's waiting for you on the other side is worth everything you're going through at the moment.'

(These words spoke right to my heart. Thank You Lord!)

'You are up against a formidable opponent who knows God has a plan for your life. But (there's that word again devil) he cannot sink the man or woman who has Jesus on board with them, who prays and stays close to Him...'

Well, that was a wonderful reminder earlier, and it's just as invigorating reading it again now.

Needed to encourage myself today, and thought while I was at it, I'd encourage someone else. 

Hope you're encouraged (if you needed it).

Be inspired with confidence. ;)

xoxox

P.S. I then remembered this song by Michelle Williams. The lyrics are so fitting for how I feel/felt. You'll find your Purpose in Your Storm. ;)

Thank you 9jaFOODie xx

9jaFOODie featured some pictures I entered into her Fooding by... series.

The other entries are a treat too.

Please check out her blog. If you don't know about her, you have been missing out and you have soooo much catching up to do!!! I'm very serious.

Thank you so much 9jaFOODie. I appreciate you, your blog, and your love.

xoxox

The Versatile Blogger Award

Oh me, oh my! I've just been given the versatile blogger award by the lovely Coy~Introvert, a fellow blogger with a very good blog herself. If you don't know, you better get to know and get to checking out her blog! You won't be disappointed. ;)

Thank you for giving me my very first award!!! Mwah! xxx

With awards comes responsibility o! To whom much is given, much is required. Lol.

The Rules:
1. Thank the person who gave you the award and link back to them in your post.
2. Share 7 things about yourself
3. Pass this award along to 15 recently discovered blogs and let them know about it.

Now, seven things about moi (*sigh* wish I did my previous post after this post, then I would only have to find three more things to write, rather than having to think of seven more things. Never mind :D).

Here we go yo! (Lol)

1.  I'm the first of many - the first born of five siblings, first grandchild on my dad's side, first in my generation to have a child (who is the first grandchild/nephew of both sides of his family - Wow!). Feel kinda privileged now. :)))

2. I'm a night person. I do my best work at night. When others are winding up their day, I'm just getting started. Lolol. Mornings can be a bit of a drag for me.

3. I recently developed a habit of crunching ice. Need to go the doctors about this because I heard it could be a sign of iron deficiency. That's not a good look!

4. I can't ride a bike. :(

5. I can't swim. (**double :( **)

6. I love to sing. I enjoy belting out a full blown ballad in my kitchen while I'm cooking and cleaning. Some of my faves are: Golden by Chrisette Michele, Ijoba Orun by Lara George, Listen by Beyonce, Tell Me What You Want Me To Do by Tevin Campbell, just to name a few. ;)

7. I love doing property search. I love going on websites like rightmove.co.uk and browsing through the properties on there. Type in Knightsbridge and enjoy the views. ;) Lol.

Okey dokey! Now for the fun part!

I would like to award the following bloggers with The Versatile Blogger Award:

Coy~Introvert (Yes o! I'm awarding it back you! xx)

Destiny (When it rains it pours! Lol. xx)

'Funmi'

Miss Petite Nigeria

Mindie-Speaks

African Naturalistas

Mstizzle

Missy Tee's

MsJB

Unveiling Gold (I've just seen your latest post. Lol).

Dammy Jewel (I've just seen your latest post too. Lol).

Cam @ TripleThreat

Rubi Nubi

SheRea - The Iconic Girl

Chulala

I honestly feel like I've just completed a piece of coursework! No be small ting!

Thanks again Coy~Introvert for this award. xoxox

Now I have to let all y'all know I've awarded this to ya. Lol.

Good night peeps. 

xoxo

10 Really Random Things About Me

I was tagged by the lovely Mstizzle of mstizzle's voice. Thanks girlfriend!

Here are 10 Really Random Things About Me. Hope you find this interesting...

10. When I was little (about 8 or 9) I used to always pretend the world was a stage - literally, so I'd act things out. One day my mum caught me "talking" to myself at church (I was acting out a scene on my own as usual) and we had words. Never did it again! Weird, I know.

 

9. I've been told I don't walk, I float. (This was meant to be a compliment, but I took it the wrong way the first time I heard it). I can assure you I'm human! Hahaha!

8. I get really bad pms! It's really bad, I can go from nice to "evacuate the area" mode in 0.01 seconds. o_O Please pray for my husband.

7. I hate football, but not because of football itself, but how it reduces big grown men to moosh. It's just a game!!! Yeah I said it! What?! (Lol)

6. My favourite colour is green. Olive green to be exact.

5. I'm terrible at keeping in touch by phone (unless you're on email, facebook, bbm, and/or now blogger). I'm working on it! Lol.

4. Growing up I only wanted boys as kids because I wanted to be the queen AND the only princess in my house. But I now have a step-daughter, so poof goes that dream. Hahaha!

3. When I was a teen I wanted coloured contact lenses so bad that I tried so hard to fail my eye test at the opticians only to pass with flying colours. Shame! 

2. I trained my body never to fart in public, to the point that my body just won't do it. I heard a story of a man (or woman, can't remember right now), who spontaneously combusted. Since then I've been trying to undo years of training, now believing it's better out than in, but my body just won't do it. Smh.

1. I love the rain. I love the sound and smell of the air when it's raining. And I love going outside just after it's stopped raining. I hate being out in the rain without a brolly though. Lol.

Hope you found that interesting or funny at the least. Don't worry, I won't be offended if you thought "weirdo". Haha!

Now I'm tagging:

Destiny @Home is where the heart is
Myne Whitman
N.I.L. (Where are you??? I'm experiencing withdrawal symptoms :( )
MrsNewlyWed  (Um, where are you as well??? Can't access your blog. Hope all is well.xx)
KitKat (I don't know if you've already done this tag. Forgive me if you have and I haven't read/seen it.xx)
9jaFOODie
@ilola
Chic Therapy
MsJB
Dayor

And of course anyone who wants to do this tag. I would love to know some really random things about you all too. :)))

Tag you're it!!!

Thanks again mstizzle for tagging me. xx

Blog you again soon.

xoxo

(Disclaimer: All images taken from google images.)

Pulling On My Heart Strings

Hello Peoples,

I feel incredibly guilty for my absence. I really do (**covering my face**). Although I've not posted anything in weeks, I have been reading and commenting on your posts (for the most part). Been really busy. So sorry.

(I took this pic myself - get it? Pulling on my heart strings - trying to be creative. Lol)

Li'l man started walking to school by himself a couple of weeks ago. Well actually he meets two of his class mates who live near us at the top of the road and they all walk to school together. As you can imagine, this has been soooo stressful for me. On the first day one of the other parents secretly followed them to school. The next day I watched them from afar until they turned a corner. And I've been so stressed. Been pleading the blood of Jesus so much, if His blood was depletable I for don finish am sef! Lol. I guess this feeling is due to what transpired in the garden of Eden - you know, the part where God cursed the woman. Genesis 3:16 - "Unto the woman he (God) said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow shalt thou bring forth children". I take this to mean that we so desire children and then we have them and spend the rest of the time stressing over them. Constantly worrying about them. Never wanting to let go, but having to let go all the same.

This summer this li'l man really began to apply the pressure. Begging me if he can start going to the corner shop for me. I eventually agreed on a trial basis. I spent the whole 15 minutes at the window, praying the whole time. God help me. I don't need to do any cardiovascular exercise at present, because my heart is getting enough exercise on its own just dealing with this new juncture in my life. Lol. In God I trust and will continue to trust!

Li'l man riding his bike in the park

Moving on...My diet has been a shambles! Smh! I will blog about it later. So h-annoying.Mstcheeeewww!
 

Well, That's it for now. I know it's a really short post, but wasn't really planning to post today, but thought a short post is better than nothing at all.

Hope you've all been doing great. Blog you again soon.

xoxox

Just a quick hello and Ledisi...

Hello People!!

I'm so sorry it's been a while. Been so busy with little man going back to school and myself going back to work. I've only been paying blogville a quick visit here and there.

While I'm quickly passing by, I just have to share this beautiful song by Ledisi with you all. I absolutely love every single lyric to this song!

Hope you enjoy it too.

Be back soon.

xoxoxo

Feeling Romantic

Mr T, Mr T, wherefore art thou Mr T???

 Share the love. :)))

xoxox

I want the REAL thing!!!!

Excuse my dramatics but I want my real wedding!!!!

I want Mr T (hubby) to hurry up and get his visa and get over here quick quick!!

I wanna be able to seriously plan my wedding, like booking the venue, putting my deposit down and know that part is sorted!!! (I already know the venue I want so no need to hunt around for that :))) )

I wanna go wedding dress shopping with my mum and sisters! (Mummy is a very influential woman, and I may end up picking her choice rather than my own. Lol).

I wanna choose and book my caterer, photographer, vidoegrapher, DJ, live band, and all that good stuff!

I wanna do the whole cake tasting thing with Mr T, mum and my sisters!

I wanna go ring shopping with Mr T!

I wanna seriously choose the theme and colour scheme for the wedding! (I've picked several since he proposed).

I wanna plan our honeymoon!!! (Hawaii!!!)

I wanna go clothes shopping for my honeymoon!!!

And shoes!!! Oh the shoes!!! (**Shaking with excitement in my chair**)

I wanna say my vows!!! Real vows in the presence of God and man!! (With the Pastor as the officient - not a registrar - surrounded by our loved ones).

I wanna dance like I've never danced before (Mr T reckons he's gonna out-dance me, just because I tend to be shy at dancing in front of other peoples - he has no idea. I go thrash him on that day! Lol!)

Oh! *big, big, big sigh* I just wanna have my REAL wedding!!!

:)

I know I'm being so dramatic. But I had to put it all out there. Lol.

Looking forward to all of the above and more. I should probably reduce the amount of time I spend on sites like Bella Naija (are those weddings for real??? Too much money!!!) and Essence online's Bridal Bliss (some seriously gorgeous weddings featured).

Laters.

xo

If I Could DO It Again...

I was just at N.I.L's blog, reading some of her earlier posts and I came across a post she titled COULD have; SHOULD have; WOULD have........?! This post got me thinking mehn.

Remember when you were young and bright eyed? When the world was truly your oyster? Then slowly, slowly, with life and the help of the influential people in your life, your dreams were crushed. You became more and more inhibited, then eventually you settled for less than your dream.

Not that I'm saying this is the case for everyone, but I'm sure many can relate. When I was young I used to dream of being an actress. I was really good in drama too. When it came time to choose my GCSE's I knew exactly what I wanted to pick. I had it all figured. Drama, Art, French, and English (Literature and Language) were my favourites. Well, it wasn't to be. My parents weren't having none of it! They insisted I would take Double Science (I detested science beyond words). They didn't want to hear me out about art. "Eh? Art? What is art? Is that what we sent you to school to do? To be drawing with crayon?". "Drama ke? Kini drama? Mscheww!" (Lol).

I was also very good at sports. I was a natural at tennis and was fast improving in athletics. I used to do the high jump and 200 meters for my team on sports day. The high jump was a total surprise to me and my P.E. teacher.  I loved it and she pushed me as far as she could. But again, my parents didn't want to know. My dad had the mentality that he hadn't suffered all he'd suffered to bring his wife over here, settle his family here, for his children to just be playing yeye sports. It was science! And that was that.

So unfortunately, my Olympic and Oscar dreams were squashed before they could even take off.

So as you can guess, I did the Double Science. Managed to get a grade C (which I consider a major achievement considering how much I hated it). I managed to persuade them to let me take French GCSE. I then went on to do Biology, Chemistry and English Literature (thank God for small mercies - LOL!) as A-levels. After doing Biology and Chemistry for a year, I just couldn't take it anymore. I wrote a letter to my mum telling her just how much I hated these subjects and that I was not going to continue with them in my second year. She didn't take it very well. But I stuck to my guns (well sort of). I ended up taking Psychology and Sociology in their place, with some hope of still pleasing my parents with some sort of doctorate at the eventual end.

After the fiasco with me, my parents had an epiphany and decided to let my siblings choose for themselves (under their advisement of course). Well, at least those that came after me didn't have to suffer the same fate as me I guess.

While I was thinking about my "shoulda, coulda, woulda's" I thought of how many things I loved and dreamed of doing then. I thought of how important the role of a parent is in shaping their child's life.

If only...I do sit and wonder sometimes where I would be today if my parents actually noticed my gifts as a child. Where would I be today? My story could have been so different. Yeah I said it. It could have been so different. *big sigh*.

Anyway, life goes on. I'm not doing bad considering and some things I still wish to pursue (sorry, neither the Olympic nor Oscar dreams shall be resurrecting themselves - lol). But there are other things that I can and still will pursue. Like French for example.

Now I watch my son and I'm so impressed by him. Perhaps my own experience has served (if nothing else) as a lesson in recognizing, nurturing and cultivating gifts in my own children. He is truly gifted in art and he's a whiz at maths. We recently discovered he's really good at football too. That came out of nowhere, a bit like the high jump did for me in secondary school.

I'm not bitter towards my parents (although I was for a very long time). I now accept that they did what they thought was best. I'm very pleased to see that they've somewhat learned their own lessons through it too. One of the things that tickles me now is that my dad is so eager to encourage my son in the area of sports. Namely tennis and golf (I'm trying hard not to think it has anything to do with the Williams sisters and Tiger Woods. LOL!). They also both notice my son's gifts and talents and really make a fuss over him because of them (makes my heart smile).

Well, I thank God I'm still here and I still have dreams to fulfill all the same.

With that said, parents, notice your children's gifts and nurture and cultivate them. Help them to point their arrows in the right direction. That's what we're all here for.

Stay blessed.

xoxo

Hello there...

Hello Everybody!!!!

First of all, I wanna thank everybody that read my last post, and those that commented. And a big hello to all my new followers since then. I appreciate you all!!!

Secondly, I'm sure a lot of you all have heard about the UK Riots! SMH! Couldn't believe what was going on first in London, then up and down the UK. Thank God they've stopped all their rioting now. For the most part I really think it was just a bunch of opportunists. So many psychologists, politicians and experts tried to rationalise, justify or explain these riots. Some even tried to turn it into a black riot or black youths riots. What a load of nonsense! These people were not fighting ANY cause whatsoever! AND there were youths from every race. They just realised that if they united to vandalise they could get freebies by looting. I was and am still so appalled (as I'm sure many were too). These young people were just interested in what they could get through looting. And the sad thing was that it's their own communities that will suffer the effects of their own actions. So silly. 

My heart goes out to all those small businesses that were barely surviving before these riots, that now have to deal with even more loss. And all those whose homes were broken into, cars destroyed or were even physically assaulted during these riots. So very sad.

There goes the insurance rates! Smh! (I shm'd so much this past week, there was a point that I thought if I smh just one more time it would get stuck).

My little man's been at his dad for a week now (another week to go). So I've been a free bird for the past week and man I have been L-A-Z-E-E-E!!! For the most part I've just been going to work, going to mum's for dinner, coming home and crashing! Oh I've been enjoying o! The first few days I was seriously missing little man. Didn't know what to do with myself. Then I decided I would do the bare minimum at home (which has been working out just fine - LOL).

A friend of mine invited me to this Hip Hop Karaoke thing last week. So I decided why not?! A few of us went. I went straight from work (big mistake!). I had to get ready in the toilets and was so hot, I was sweating buckets! I freshened up as best I could and went to meet the girls. They seemed pretty excited to pick some tunes to do when we first got there (I was just curious, and nervous! I wasn't about to make a fool of myself yo!). Anyways, once the girls got a glimpse of the list of songs and came to the realisation that the most popular (and well known by us - we're not hip hop lovers) were already spoken for, they decided to back up and just watch. (Phew!)

When the games began, oh my days! the place was jampacked and was crazy hot! The most shocking thing for us was the how much the host swore. Smh. When he first swore we all looked at each other with raised eyebrows. After two or three sentences, we were like yeah, this ain't our scene yo! Lol. I guess it goes with the culture. It was too vulgar for us. But please tell me, who sent us??? Hahaha. We ourselves were doing "I too know". Lol. Lesson learned.

We stayed for just a few songs (all the subjects were really brave and quite good) and then we just had to go (the heat was unbearable and it was a work night after all). HOWEVER, as soon as we got outside, we were planning our next visit and how we're gonna rehearse a particular song and bring our other friend who really digs hip hop and all that. We make me laugh (and we're glutons for punishment)! I feel a bit like an agbaya now. Lolol.

This coming week I need to get into gear. Too much lazy-ing around. And as little man's coming back home next weekend, I don't want to be struggling to get into gear when he's back. But I intend enjoy at least a couple more days of laziness first. :)

A friend of mine has been encouraging me to do a parenting blog because she thinks I'm a fountain of parenting knowledge for dummies. I'm no expert, but I'm willing to share my knowledge and experiences. Seriously considering it though - should be interesting. Will keep you posted about that (for anyone interested).

Have a wonderful (riot-free) week ahead.

Ciao for now peeps.

x

The Case of the Horrible Ex - One Man's Trash is Another Man's Treasure!

*****WARNING! VERY LONG POST*****

I said would never do this, but just feel I need to get this out! So here it is...

Let's back track a little shall we...I was with my son's father for about 10 years (on and off). We had little man five years into the relationship. We met back in college, and I was the one that was too forward. I had talked to my friend about him so much that she decided to go tell him, and I did nothing to stop her. If not for my son, I would curse that day, but God has been good.

Anyways, we were together on and off for a while, and I supported him through a lot. And as remember it, he offered no support to me at all. Can't remember a single time.

Back in 2006, we decided to give things one final go. As far as I knew, everything was going great. In the time we were together he got a decent job and I was ecstatic as it meant I would finally have some financial support from him, right? Wrong! Flash forward a little to Easter period 2007, my family were going to Naija for my cousin's wedding. I thought it was the perfect opportunity for him to see my country and meet my extended family (I don't know why I thought that because he'd shown very little appreciation for my family that he had met so far).

He decided to come, so I was surprised when I asked him for some of our son's ticket money, that he was reluctant. It was like I was begging him. So I didn't dare ask for money for our son's immunisation. That would have been pushing it. 

Anyways, we went to Naija and I noticed a change in him whilst we were there, but I shrugged it off for the most part. We got into a few arguments, but nothing major. 

We came back to London and he was still acting strange. I couldn't figure him out. A couple of days after we'd been back we had a biggish argument, played it cool whilst his family came round. I cooked for everyone, they all ate, then left. Then he told me it was over. I can see it now, but didn't see it coming at the time.

Anyway, I made a fool of myself, trying to reason with him, trying to fully understand what I'd done. He said I was too aggressive and argumentative. He called me all sorts of names, including a gold-digger - because I'd invited him to Naija and then expected him to have to put his money down. So he expected me to foot the bill for everything?! N.B. I only asked him for money towards little man's ticket, today, in my right sense, I would expect him to pay for all three of us! Imagine! LOL!

 He was adamant that God had told him that I was not the one for him (this was the second time he'd said such, previously he came back and said he'd missed God). God I thank You for revealing this to the one that was ready to receive this word! He said he needed to leave me to have a closer walk with God because I was a hindrance of some sort (so I no be God's child too abi?) He was going to do God's work and I wasn't in the equation.

This guy had done so much to break me down. During that relationship I lost so much confidence, I just disappeared. I was a shell of my former self. During our relationship we had both become born again and joined a church. He used every opportunity to try to control me with the Word of God. Not allowing Holy Spirit to do His work in me. He was God's mouth-piece, His right -hand man, the deliverer of God's will! Smh. He even once told me that God told him I wasn't his wife (we were engaged at this point), and God had showed him who his wife was (a fellow church member, who knew nothing of this revelation by the way). Oh the things I could tell you. The things I allowed myself to be subjected to. One of the things that irks me now is that this guy was so smooth in everything he did to oppress me. He appeared to be such a gentle guy who wouldn't hurt a fly (yeah, he didn't hurt a fly, it was me he was slowly destroying). He would generally speak softly and anything he said was a matter of fact. He had a scripture to back up everything. He knew the bible back to front. And my disagreement was me being argumentative and aggressive. Smh!

[Kai! Flash back! I remember when I was in labour (Chineke God!) and he told me to stop pulling faces as I looked ugly. Kai!!!! I don suffered o!!!! Heiiii!! That's how low my confidence was, I didn't even respond in anger. If na today a for don knock him out with one GBOSA!! Mscheeeewww!]

Smh.

I would like to say he just left or I just evicted him, but I didn't. He had to find a place to live so I gave him a four week notice period. The hardest four weeks of my life! The atmosphere in my home was so unbearable. When it came to week three and I could see him making no attempts to move (dude was taking my kindness for a weakness) I set him straight and reminded him of the date (angrily of course) and warned him that if he wasn't gone by said date, he would find all his belongings outside!!!

He got the message and left on the agreed date.

I just dey look am. I cried to my God, prayed to my God, was mad at my God, the pain was too much at times. I questioned my God, fought with my God, distanced myself in anger from my God. Man, I went through the motions. I experienced every emotion. Would even cry in my sleep! I mean wake up with dry tears on my face. Then one day I said "God, let Your will be done!" That's when God showed up. (If I knew it was that easy, I could have saved myself a whole lot of tears. Lol).

Ok, flash forward four plus years since then, he's moved in with his girlfriend, got her pregnant, and then married her (yes, in that order, shocking for a man who left to walk so close to God don't ya think? Hmmm.)

Anyway, I changed. Those who knew me before the ex, said, I had returned to being the Buki they knew back in the day. Those that had only met whilst I was with him said I had changed! (Cue J.Hudd, ~I Am Changing!~ Lol). That's when I realised how oppressed I had been. 

My family was elated!!! I had my fire back! I was alive again! 

Ok, so, my wonderment tonight is this, my ex and I have been apart for four plus years now, and apparently both moved on. But I cannot understand his issue with me. He is constantly angry when dealing with me, to the point that all our communication is still by text. He has told me on numerous occasions that he can't stand me (ok, who really cares oh "man of God"?) and he's not my friend (I've long realised that now). For someone who didn't want anything to do with me, moved on, and should be happily married there's just too much anger.

Is it because he thought I would never get up from the crumpled state he left me in? Could it be that he can't take the glare of my widely spread wings? Could it be that he thought he'd finished me off to the point that no other would ever see anything in me?

Oh well! If God isn't finished with you, no man can finish you! There is light after dark. Though weeping may endure for a night, joy comes in the morning!

Yesterday I sent him a text letting him know enough was enough, there was just no need for all this animosity. It had to end. His response? Unfortunately, it wasn't a surprise. Same old same old. So I'll just leave it there and let God deal with him. He is after all His child.

I'm not going to pretend that I was like "whatever, I'm over you" because for a while I really wasn't. I was just hurt. But eventually, the hurt turned to anger, then to hatred, then indifference, until now, when I can honestly say I've dealt with it. I'm good.

So many good things have happened to me since that relationship ended. No lie! I've bought my own home, renovated it (still a work in progress though ;)), studied to do what I'm passionate about (wedding planning :D), and I'm a much, much better mum!!!

Don't know why I went there, but I did. My message to anyone going through anything remotely similar, just know that this too shall pass. You will smile again, be yourself again, love again.

Not that the answer is in a new relationship. Not necessarily. It's in relying on God! Turning to Him and surrendering to Him. I'm just so grateful to God that He's shown me another way. Showing me that I'm lovable. I'm mostly grateful to God for removing me from such a destructive relationship. Honestly, had it not happened the way it did, I may very well still blindly be in that relationship. If a man (or woman) is done with you, God can provide a better (correct) one! The bottom line is God knows best, and He will never throw you away! As long as there's life in you, be sure to know that He still has things in store for you!

The past four years have been a revelation of God's love for me!

Don't let anybody finish you!!!

Good night (oops, it's morning now lol) and God bless.

xx