Do You Remember Your First Love???

Hello Folks,

How have you all been? Good I trust.

I've had a very busy summer, and I've not had much time for blogging. Trying to get back into it I went through my numerous post drafts tonight. I came across the post below, which for some reason I never published. I wrote it at a stubborn time in my life. Please note this post was written about eighteen to twenty-four months ago. I want to reassure you that I am firmly back on the market and very much optimistic about meeting someone new. But I've got to tell you, this post made me laugh. Especially the stories of my early loves. Lol! I've chosen not to edit a single word in it (including the title and the shout outs), so you get to read it exactly as you would have had I posted it at the time. 

I hope you enjoy this flashback!

"Hello People!!!

I feel like I've been away forever!!! Lol. But you've always been close to my thoughts. Promise.

How goes it? I trust you're all well. Shout out to Unveilinggold, Toinlicious and mstizzle! xxx

And a huge thank you to everyone that passes by this blog. Thanks for reading, visiting, following or just passing by. Much love to you!

So, on to this blog post. This post is soooo random. Please excuse the randomness. Just needed to put my thoughts down. 

So it's been over a year now since I got married (the divorce is eminent but still pending). Remember I said there would be the palava with his and my parents for us to perhaps hash things out? Well that never happened. In fact I've not heard from anyone in his family for a long time. The guy is such a liar, I wouldn't be surprised if he's told all sorts of lies about me to anyone who would listen. I remember I had to tell him to stop talking bad about his ex-wife to people when we first met, so I really wouldn't be surprised.

I feel somewhat disillusioned. Life is not what I thought it would be. My thirties are not (not so far anyways) as fun and exciting as I had at one point anticipated. I feel so let down by myself. I was speaking to some friends this evening and one of them told me they feel like they're always fighting with me to get me to come out. So it seems I've become some sort of recluse. As a general rule, I tend to only go out to celebrate the birthdays of my nearest and dearest and that is it. Hmmmph! When did this happen???

I remember when all I wanted to do was go out (I'm talking just a year ago). Now unless it's essential (i.e. someone will be offended at my not attending) I just don't go and I'm ok with that.

I've been asked, don't you want to meet someone new? Ummmm, NO! I'm ok. I've been let down enough by men. I wanna ride solo for now. Then I've got the friends who are seriously worried about me. A time when it seems so crucial for a woman to be on the market I've chosen to sit on the shelf and be content with it. What to do, what to do? My mother is sad and frustrated with me. But this is where I am for now.

In the mean while, I'm happy just hearing other people's dating stories, and I find myself getting excited for them. Someone I know is engaging in a brand new relationship. Oh remember when everything was brand new? The butterflies, the smile when your phone bleeps cos you know it's a text from him. Oh the days.

So I started to think about the very first time I had that feeling. His name was Yomi, I was 11/12 and he was 13/14. He was the tallest and most handsome boy in the church. Back then we had no phones except the house phone and I wouldn't dare give my house number to a boy. unless I was ready to be annihilated by my parents. Hahaha! We only saw each other on Sundays. So that was when I got my butterflies. On the way to church my stomach would be in knots. Every road bump the car went over made me feel sick to the stomach. When I'd see him the butterflies would go crazy. And when he noticed me and smiled at me I felt dizzy with excitement. Mehn! What ever happened to love's young dream??? When and how did it die?? (that's a rhetorical question - I know when and how.Lol).

Then there was Tevin Campbell. Hahaha! I remember the year I got a walkman for my birthday. I think it was my twelfth birthday. I saved my pocket money to buy a tape. Went to the record shop and had a listen to a few tracks on Tevin's album and decided that was it! I bought it and immediately started fantasising of the day he and I would meet. The day we would pass each other in the street and he would be struck by my beauty and fall madly in love with me (I was already madly in love with him). Then he'd sweep me off my feet and we'd get married and live happily ever after. By the way all this happened while I was still twelve! LOL! Oh blessed youth, where did you go???

Who else was there? Oh yeah, I remember all the could have beens that I now wonder whatever happened to them. There was this sweet guy I met while I was working in retail. Unfortunately I was in a relationship so couldn't return his interest. He was such a gentleman. His name was Aqua. He was Ghanaian. He used to walk me to the bus stop after our late shift and wait with me for my bus, then cross over to get his own bus in the opposite direction. Oh Mehn!!!

There's been a few good ones. But I gave my time and my best (at that time) to the bad ones. I didn't realise How sweet Aqua was until much, much, much later. So it's that same old saying "we only seem to like the bad boys". Lol. I didn't realise how much Yomi really liked me until much, much later too. I broke things off with Yomi because I felt we were getting too serious. We'd started to hold hands when we were out of our parents' sights. The thought of my parents catching us terrified me more than the excitement I felt when he smiled at me. I wrote him a letter and sent my brother to give it to him. I watched him from afar as he took the letter. He had a huge smile on his face (I guess he thought it was a love letter) then the smile dropped and he looked up at me an ripped up the letter. tears were rolling down my face when I heard my mum's voice break into the atmosphere with *"Bukola!!! Kilode t' on sukun???" (*Bukola, why are you crying?) I jumped! Hahahaha! I said "Oh mummy, I have a headache." She took me to the front of the church for prayer! Hahahahahahahaha!

Right now I'm seriously crushing on Idris Elba! He's the only guy I see! Lolol. My sister is concerned because I think she thinks it's unhealthy for a woman of my age. I should be putting myself out there so the correct one can at least see me. Well, I'm not ready. Abeg just leave me with my fantasies for now jare."

Hope you found it as amusing as I did tonight. Lol!

Until next time!

Mwah!

Buki.