Hello there...

Hello Everybody!!!!

First of all, I wanna thank everybody that read my last post, and those that commented. And a big hello to all my new followers since then. I appreciate you all!!!

Secondly, I'm sure a lot of you all have heard about the UK Riots! SMH! Couldn't believe what was going on first in London, then up and down the UK. Thank God they've stopped all their rioting now. For the most part I really think it was just a bunch of opportunists. So many psychologists, politicians and experts tried to rationalise, justify or explain these riots. Some even tried to turn it into a black riot or black youths riots. What a load of nonsense! These people were not fighting ANY cause whatsoever! AND there were youths from every race. They just realised that if they united to vandalise they could get freebies by looting. I was and am still so appalled (as I'm sure many were too). These young people were just interested in what they could get through looting. And the sad thing was that it's their own communities that will suffer the effects of their own actions. So silly. 

My heart goes out to all those small businesses that were barely surviving before these riots, that now have to deal with even more loss. And all those whose homes were broken into, cars destroyed or were even physically assaulted during these riots. So very sad.

There goes the insurance rates! Smh! (I shm'd so much this past week, there was a point that I thought if I smh just one more time it would get stuck).

My little man's been at his dad for a week now (another week to go). So I've been a free bird for the past week and man I have been L-A-Z-E-E-E!!! For the most part I've just been going to work, going to mum's for dinner, coming home and crashing! Oh I've been enjoying o! The first few days I was seriously missing little man. Didn't know what to do with myself. Then I decided I would do the bare minimum at home (which has been working out just fine - LOL).

A friend of mine invited me to this Hip Hop Karaoke thing last week. So I decided why not?! A few of us went. I went straight from work (big mistake!). I had to get ready in the toilets and was so hot, I was sweating buckets! I freshened up as best I could and went to meet the girls. They seemed pretty excited to pick some tunes to do when we first got there (I was just curious, and nervous! I wasn't about to make a fool of myself yo!). Anyways, once the girls got a glimpse of the list of songs and came to the realisation that the most popular (and well known by us - we're not hip hop lovers) were already spoken for, they decided to back up and just watch. (Phew!)

When the games began, oh my days! the place was jampacked and was crazy hot! The most shocking thing for us was the how much the host swore. Smh. When he first swore we all looked at each other with raised eyebrows. After two or three sentences, we were like yeah, this ain't our scene yo! Lol. I guess it goes with the culture. It was too vulgar for us. But please tell me, who sent us??? Hahaha. We ourselves were doing "I too know". Lol. Lesson learned.

We stayed for just a few songs (all the subjects were really brave and quite good) and then we just had to go (the heat was unbearable and it was a work night after all). HOWEVER, as soon as we got outside, we were planning our next visit and how we're gonna rehearse a particular song and bring our other friend who really digs hip hop and all that. We make me laugh (and we're glutons for punishment)! I feel a bit like an agbaya now. Lolol.

This coming week I need to get into gear. Too much lazy-ing around. And as little man's coming back home next weekend, I don't want to be struggling to get into gear when he's back. But I intend enjoy at least a couple more days of laziness first. :)

A friend of mine has been encouraging me to do a parenting blog because she thinks I'm a fountain of parenting knowledge for dummies. I'm no expert, but I'm willing to share my knowledge and experiences. Seriously considering it though - should be interesting. Will keep you posted about that (for anyone interested).

Have a wonderful (riot-free) week ahead.

Ciao for now peeps.

x

The Case of the Horrible Ex - One Man's Trash is Another Man's Treasure!

*****WARNING! VERY LONG POST*****

I said would never do this, but just feel I need to get this out! So here it is...

Let's back track a little shall we...I was with my son's father for about 10 years (on and off). We had little man five years into the relationship. We met back in college, and I was the one that was too forward. I had talked to my friend about him so much that she decided to go tell him, and I did nothing to stop her. If not for my son, I would curse that day, but God has been good.

Anyways, we were together on and off for a while, and I supported him through a lot. And as remember it, he offered no support to me at all. Can't remember a single time.

Back in 2006, we decided to give things one final go. As far as I knew, everything was going great. In the time we were together he got a decent job and I was ecstatic as it meant I would finally have some financial support from him, right? Wrong! Flash forward a little to Easter period 2007, my family were going to Naija for my cousin's wedding. I thought it was the perfect opportunity for him to see my country and meet my extended family (I don't know why I thought that because he'd shown very little appreciation for my family that he had met so far).

He decided to come, so I was surprised when I asked him for some of our son's ticket money, that he was reluctant. It was like I was begging him. So I didn't dare ask for money for our son's immunisation. That would have been pushing it. 

Anyways, we went to Naija and I noticed a change in him whilst we were there, but I shrugged it off for the most part. We got into a few arguments, but nothing major. 

We came back to London and he was still acting strange. I couldn't figure him out. A couple of days after we'd been back we had a biggish argument, played it cool whilst his family came round. I cooked for everyone, they all ate, then left. Then he told me it was over. I can see it now, but didn't see it coming at the time.

Anyway, I made a fool of myself, trying to reason with him, trying to fully understand what I'd done. He said I was too aggressive and argumentative. He called me all sorts of names, including a gold-digger - because I'd invited him to Naija and then expected him to have to put his money down. So he expected me to foot the bill for everything?! N.B. I only asked him for money towards little man's ticket, today, in my right sense, I would expect him to pay for all three of us! Imagine! LOL!

 He was adamant that God had told him that I was not the one for him (this was the second time he'd said such, previously he came back and said he'd missed God). God I thank You for revealing this to the one that was ready to receive this word! He said he needed to leave me to have a closer walk with God because I was a hindrance of some sort (so I no be God's child too abi?) He was going to do God's work and I wasn't in the equation.

This guy had done so much to break me down. During that relationship I lost so much confidence, I just disappeared. I was a shell of my former self. During our relationship we had both become born again and joined a church. He used every opportunity to try to control me with the Word of God. Not allowing Holy Spirit to do His work in me. He was God's mouth-piece, His right -hand man, the deliverer of God's will! Smh. He even once told me that God told him I wasn't his wife (we were engaged at this point), and God had showed him who his wife was (a fellow church member, who knew nothing of this revelation by the way). Oh the things I could tell you. The things I allowed myself to be subjected to. One of the things that irks me now is that this guy was so smooth in everything he did to oppress me. He appeared to be such a gentle guy who wouldn't hurt a fly (yeah, he didn't hurt a fly, it was me he was slowly destroying). He would generally speak softly and anything he said was a matter of fact. He had a scripture to back up everything. He knew the bible back to front. And my disagreement was me being argumentative and aggressive. Smh!

[Kai! Flash back! I remember when I was in labour (Chineke God!) and he told me to stop pulling faces as I looked ugly. Kai!!!! I don suffered o!!!! Heiiii!! That's how low my confidence was, I didn't even respond in anger. If na today a for don knock him out with one GBOSA!! Mscheeeewww!]

Smh.

I would like to say he just left or I just evicted him, but I didn't. He had to find a place to live so I gave him a four week notice period. The hardest four weeks of my life! The atmosphere in my home was so unbearable. When it came to week three and I could see him making no attempts to move (dude was taking my kindness for a weakness) I set him straight and reminded him of the date (angrily of course) and warned him that if he wasn't gone by said date, he would find all his belongings outside!!!

He got the message and left on the agreed date.

I just dey look am. I cried to my God, prayed to my God, was mad at my God, the pain was too much at times. I questioned my God, fought with my God, distanced myself in anger from my God. Man, I went through the motions. I experienced every emotion. Would even cry in my sleep! I mean wake up with dry tears on my face. Then one day I said "God, let Your will be done!" That's when God showed up. (If I knew it was that easy, I could have saved myself a whole lot of tears. Lol).

Ok, flash forward four plus years since then, he's moved in with his girlfriend, got her pregnant, and then married her (yes, in that order, shocking for a man who left to walk so close to God don't ya think? Hmmm.)

Anyway, I changed. Those who knew me before the ex, said, I had returned to being the Buki they knew back in the day. Those that had only met whilst I was with him said I had changed! (Cue J.Hudd, ~I Am Changing!~ Lol). That's when I realised how oppressed I had been. 

My family was elated!!! I had my fire back! I was alive again! 

Ok, so, my wonderment tonight is this, my ex and I have been apart for four plus years now, and apparently both moved on. But I cannot understand his issue with me. He is constantly angry when dealing with me, to the point that all our communication is still by text. He has told me on numerous occasions that he can't stand me (ok, who really cares oh "man of God"?) and he's not my friend (I've long realised that now). For someone who didn't want anything to do with me, moved on, and should be happily married there's just too much anger.

Is it because he thought I would never get up from the crumpled state he left me in? Could it be that he can't take the glare of my widely spread wings? Could it be that he thought he'd finished me off to the point that no other would ever see anything in me?

Oh well! If God isn't finished with you, no man can finish you! There is light after dark. Though weeping may endure for a night, joy comes in the morning!

Yesterday I sent him a text letting him know enough was enough, there was just no need for all this animosity. It had to end. His response? Unfortunately, it wasn't a surprise. Same old same old. So I'll just leave it there and let God deal with him. He is after all His child.

I'm not going to pretend that I was like "whatever, I'm over you" because for a while I really wasn't. I was just hurt. But eventually, the hurt turned to anger, then to hatred, then indifference, until now, when I can honestly say I've dealt with it. I'm good.

So many good things have happened to me since that relationship ended. No lie! I've bought my own home, renovated it (still a work in progress though ;)), studied to do what I'm passionate about (wedding planning :D), and I'm a much, much better mum!!!

Don't know why I went there, but I did. My message to anyone going through anything remotely similar, just know that this too shall pass. You will smile again, be yourself again, love again.

Not that the answer is in a new relationship. Not necessarily. It's in relying on God! Turning to Him and surrendering to Him. I'm just so grateful to God that He's shown me another way. Showing me that I'm lovable. I'm mostly grateful to God for removing me from such a destructive relationship. Honestly, had it not happened the way it did, I may very well still blindly be in that relationship. If a man (or woman) is done with you, God can provide a better (correct) one! The bottom line is God knows best, and He will never throw you away! As long as there's life in you, be sure to know that He still has things in store for you!

The past four years have been a revelation of God's love for me!

Don't let anybody finish you!!!

Good night (oops, it's morning now lol) and God bless.

xx

Chicken Stew With Rice

 This post was inspired by 9jaFOODie and of course my little man.

In the beginning I was an overly cautious mother. I was inexperienced and was so frightened of burning my son's mouth and throat, that I used to cool his bottle right down before giving it to him. His milk would be almost lukewarm before I would give it him. So it's no surprise that when it came to time to weaning him, I shied away from giving him anything too adventurous like "peppe" for example. Fast forward 9 years, and he's now a believer. I was worried for a while that I had turned my little man into a proper "ajebutter" baby. But it all started with my mum's chicken stew. He was sick one day and the next morning all he wanted was Nana's chicken stew. This was a surprise to me. Anyway, he got what he wanted, he had three pieces of chicken and licked up all the stew. Since then, that's become his favourite dish.

Today was his last day of school and his cousin (who also attends the same school) is leaving to go to secondary school. To cheer him up I asked him what he wanted for dinner. guess what he said? You guessed it. Enjoy the process. ;)

I Started with the chicken - washed and cleaned and into the pot with 1 chopped onion and seasoning - salt chicken stock, mixed herbs, mild curry powder.

Here's the raw ingredients for the stew. All of which was blended together in the blender until almost completely smooth.

I then fried some of the chicken.

Then in the pots goes the stew mix (with a little oil), which is then seasoned with salt, black pepper, mild curry powder, maggi cubes, mixed herbs, herbs de province, parsley, and garlic powder. (One of the things I love about African Cuisine is that every household has their own distinctive flavour.)

The stew is then cooked for about twenty minutes. I know it's ready when the oil sits at the top. I then add the chicken and let it all simmer for a further ten to fifteen minutes.

And voila!

The chicken stew is served with boiled rice.

Little man thoroughly enjoyed his dinner and was a happy bunny by the end of it all. ;)

Good night all.

xx

Weight Loss - Lately

Hoorah! I've lost 3lbs!!! So happy - I know it's only 3lbs, but please amuse me. My friends and fellow group members were starting to be concerned. I had developed a nonchalant attitude to my weight loss over the past few weeks. It wasn't until I gained 4lbs in a very short space of time that my desire to lose it was re-awakened.

So I've gone back to the drawing board - having cereal for breakfast, salad for lunch, and a balanced dinner. I've noticed that weeks that I've stuck to this strictly, I've lost some weight.

Salads I've had this week:

Ok, so this one's not a salad at all. But hey. Lol.

My friends and I had a good giggle this evening about the way we've been behaving lately on our Weight Loss Challenge. Whilst Wednesday is our weigh in day, it's also our treat day. We're supposed to use this day as a reward day for working so hard to lose some pounds over the past week. However, we had begun to abuse this privilege. We would treat ourselves regardless of whether or not we lost any weight, even still treating ourselves when we gained weight. LOL! So we've all had a reality check, and hopefully (I've been the biggest culprit), we're all back on course.

So here's to my 3lbs lost and hopefully another 2lbs (let's not get too excited now - lol) next week.

Oh wow! 2 posts within 24 hours! Hehehe ;)

Laters.

x

Random Post

Hi guys, hope all is well with you.

It's 5:56am, I'm due to get up and prepare for work in less than an hour, so I figured, no point in trying to sleep now. Might as well blog. I've been reading other blogs since about 4:30am. Some interesting blogs.

Got me thinking...

I've been blogging now since March and I'm still not sure what direction to take my blog. I don't want to be too rigid, but I kinda feel like I'm all over the place at the moment. (#Shrugs shoulders). I hope it becomes a coherent blog eventually.

A thought just came to me. I had better enjoy this free time now whilst I'm alone. When hubby joins me I may be too tired to blog spontaneously (if you know what I mean #winks).

I can't wait to take some leave off work! My son breaks up from school for the summer in just a couple of days. Which means some time off work for me too. Yay! I usually take the first week or two of his summer hols off, then the last two weeks, so we can enjoy. Expect more blogging from me during this time (I hope - we'll see how that pans out).

Oh and I have to declutter my home as soon as I get the chance. I have unfiled mail all over the gaff! Not to mention clusters of unwanted things here and there. That's the first thing I must do as soon as I can. I may start this weekend and see how far I get before I go back to work. I keep storing things with the hope of putting things on ebay or gumtree. I'm yet to put a single thing up for sale. I eventually get fed up and then just bundle everything to the nearest charity shop. Smh.

In the weight loss department, it's like I've just taken 10 steps backwards. SMH! I was on a roll for a while, but in the last 6 or so weeks, I've managed to gain 7lbs. 7lbs!!!! That's half a stone! So the last few days, I've had to make a conscious effort to watch what I eat. I've gone back to salads for lunch. Every day! Today is weigh in day, so I'm going to blog more about it tonight! Can't believe I've gained half a stone. :(

Anyhoo, time to get up and pray and get ready for the day.

Blog you later.

xx

My Natural Hair Journey

First of all, sorry it's been a while. Things have been crazy busy with me of late - I promise to update later. :)

Where do I even begin with this one?

I had already started to write this post some weeks ago, but kept putting it off. I stumbled across a post about natural hair just this week and I just felt I should just put this up. What struck me more than anything was the apparent division between those with natural hair and those with either weaves or relaxed hair. To say that I was shocked would be an understatement. I was just hurt. I couldn't believe how we as a people had pitched ourselves against each other over HAIR!!!! Of all the things in the world. God have mercy!!!!

As for me, I decided to stop relaxing my hair in August 2009. I transitioned for a while (trying my hardest to salvage the length), but to my surprise (or maybe not) my hair broke. I mean just broke off like I had taken a pair of scissors to the front of my hair and just chopped. It was a mess and so was I. I reluctantly went to the salon and was trying to negotiate with the stylist, to see if she could work a miracle - you know the kind where a girl walks into a salon and says make me look like this - pulls out a picture of Beyonce and she doesn't even have enough hair to do canerows to attach the weave to it. Yes, that kind of miracle. 

After begging and pleading with the stylist, she wore me down to submission. I had to cut it all off. I was so saddened. Knowing I wasn't pleased, she tried to make it look as pretty as she could. My hair (well, the back of it) was just past shoulder length when I walked into the salon. I left with about 2 inches of length. She tried to straighten it with a straightening iron (you know, to give it more length, lol). I left the salon and headed home (to my parent's). 

Every time I passed a reflective surface I'd take a quick glimpse and look away just as quickly. Maybe if I didn't look it wouldn't be true. I was a natural babe, whether I liked it or not. When I got home my sister opened the door. She was shocked and she screamed in excitement. I burst into to tears (I had held it in all the way from the salon). My mum and my sister both ooooh'd and aaaaaah'd over my hair. After much encouragement I pulled myself together and started to think I AM NOT MY HAIR! Lol.

SO to cut a long story short, I started this journey with much reluctance. I entered natural-dom kicking and screaming. I then decided to look up YouTube to see what I could do to it and how to maintain it. 

I've never really been someone who wanted to be natural, I was perfectly happy with my relaxed hair. But, coming up to August 2009 my hair just started to feel strange. It's like I already knew it was going to break. I  tried to look after it, treating it, not manipulating it too much, but despite all my efforts it still broke off. I could have cut it all off and started all over again with the relaxer, but I thought I would try and give this natural hair thing a go. PLUS, I have a young friend and sister in the Lord, who's been growing her natural hair for some years, who has been encouraging me. Her natural hair is almost waist length when straightened. Oh how I long for length like that. For the first nine months I hid my hair under either a wig, a weave or single plaits. Once I had some length, I decided to experiment and be bold and just leave it out.

The turning point for me was when a colleague of mine (an Asian guy) asked me what was up with my hair. To add insult to injury, he added "you look like Sideshow Bob" (think the crazy clown in the Simpson's). I had to pull this dude to the side and educate him a little about black hair. I told him, "for your information, this is my hair as it grows from the roots from my head". He didn't apologise, he just said he never knew and that he'd seen me with so many different types of styles he always thought my hair was what it appeared to be. That's when the light went on! Other people don't know what we really look like. I mean for real.

Now, please don't think I started a crusade or anything, but something did change in me from that conversation. I couldn't be mad, I had to realise that for the most part I'd been in hiding. I'm not saying we should all go and stop relaxing our hair by any means. Believe you me, there's been times I've wanted to grab some of that "creamy crack" and have an easier life. But I won't until I at least am completely comfortable with what I see when I look in the mirror. The way I see it, I've been programmed to see myself in a particular light for the longest time (my hair was first relaxed when I was six years old - so let's just say from the age of six). All this time my eyes have been trained to see me with long flowing hair that moves with the wind. Now for the first time I was seeing me the way God made me. And surprisingly, I didn't like it!!! But not because it wasn't beautiful, but because my eyes had been trained to see it as NOT beautiful.

I DO wear weaves, extensions, and braids!!!! I still like to do so and will continue to do so!!! However, I now also love to wear my natural hair out for the most part. I've gotten used to the "look" of it and appreciate it. I know and recognise that it's just hair. The hair is not even the issue, the issue for me is that I want to see me the whole me and like what I see.

HOWEVER, this is not a reason for us (black people) to war!!!!! It's just hair! A person's reason for being either natural, weaved, or relaxed are exactly that - PERSONAL. I personally would never preach to anyone or try to convince them to go natural because the thing that shocked me the most is how much work is involved in looking after natural hair. I now know and fully appreciate why my mum decided to relax my hair at such a young age (not that I would do the same with my own daughter though).

What else will we find to use to divide ourselves I wonder? Like I said, God have mercy!